I am sure you must have wondered many times who the simplest, stupidest soul is, in and about Milton Keynes. I am sure you have been there, lying in bed and wondering: who can it possibly be, of all the new people living in that area, the really dippy one?

Well, I have the answer for you at last.

I went snow tobogganing today with the Pests (I also did rock climbing, but that will be covered separately, with a photo to illustrate it). Bear with me.

I went down the slope sitting on my nice red plastic chair, and... I did not go down very fast. Actually, I did not go down at all. It was incredibly uncomfortable too, and people were zooming past me from all directions. I swear I heard many laugh.

It was only when the staff member standing at the bottom of the slope pointed it out that it dawned on me: I had been trying to go down the slope SITTING WITH THE CHAIR THE WRONG WAY ROUND.

Not the sharpest tool in the box. I know. I know. Many other episodes in my life point to that conclusion, but this one is particularly painful. To my bottom, to be more precise.